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Trinity Family Counseling Center

"Here to Serve"

"Stewardship of God's creation call Christians to promote a lifestyle that cherishes human life and sustains Christian hope."
(Matt. 12:11-13, 6:25-34)

Christian Counseling

The Trinity Family Counseling Center is a ministry of Trinity Lutheran Church & School. The center began in response to a need to provide quality therapy and support programming within a Christian context. The services provided are offered not only for the members of the congregation but also the local residents, Lutheran and non-Lutheran. The Center’s goal is to help individuals and families move toward wholeness, health, and continued growth.

Services

The Trinity Family Counseling Center offers a comprehensive range of services for:

• Persons experiencing depression, fear, anger or discouragement.

• Those who find adjusting to life’s changes difficult.

• Parents seeking answers to the problems of parenthood.

• Young adults who feel lonely, insecure, or puzzled about their vocation.

• Persons who have unresolved difficulties at work, or in personal relationships.

• Persons adjusting to divorce, or separation.

• Older persons who feel lonely, and separated from loved ones.

• Adolescents having difficulties with school, or social life.

• Individuals, or couples who are experiencing marital problems, and poor communication.

• Persons seeking opportunities for personal growth.

• Persons who feel their lives are unsuccessful or unfulfilled.

• Walk With Me Grief Support Group.

Walk With Me Grief Support Group

• Sponsored by William Sullivan & Son Funeral Home.

• Facilitated by a trained grief counselor.
• Offered four times per year, seasonally.
• Meets Tuesdays, 7 - 9 p.m.
• 2010 Schedule:
• Winter - January 5, 19; February 2, 16; March 2, 16
• Spring - March 30; April 13, 27; May 11, 25; June 8
• Summer - June 22; July 6, 20; August 3, 17, 31
• Fall -September 14, 28; October 12, 26; November 9, 23
  
• For information, or to register call TFCC at 586-254-3663
  

Fees

Intern Program

The Counseling Center has served as an intern site for students completing their MA in Counseling from Oakland University and Eastern Michigan University.

The Intern is supervised by our Director, and may be seen for a minimal fee.

Scheduling an Appointment

For information, or for an appointment, call the office at 586-254-3663. If a therapist is not available, your call will be returned as soon as possible. Every effort will be made to adapt our services to your particular need. Daytime and evening appointments are available.

Location

The Trinity Family Counseling Center is located just east of Trinity Lutheran Church’s campus. The Counseling offices are at 45052 Deshon, which is 1 block east of Van Dyke, just north of Hall Road. You may call the church for directions, (586) 731-4490.

Meet our Staff

 

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Karen Gitter, LPC, NCC, ACS

 

 

·         Licensed Professional Counselor

·         National Certified Counselor

·         Approved Clinical Supervisor

·         Masters in Counseling

·         Post Masters Certification in Marriage and Family Counseling

·         Member of the American Association of Christian Counselors

·         15 years experience

·         Professional interests include: families with adolescents, premarital and marriage counseling, women in transition

·         Past President of the Michigan Association of Marriage and Family Counselors

·         Current MAMFC board member

·         Member of  Woodside Bible Church

 

John Naperkoski, LPC, NCC

·         Licensed Professional Counselor

·         National Certified Counselor

·         Masters in Counseling

·         Professional interests include: pre-marital and marital counseling, grief, skill building for men in relationships, male sexual addiction

·         Has conducted pre-marital and sexual addiction seminars

·         Featured guest on talk radio

·         Member of St. Mary of the Hills, and leads the parish men’s group

Tonya Ratliff, LLPC, NCC

·         Limited Licensed Professional Counselor

·         National Certified Counselor

·         Masters in Counseling

·         Professional interests include: parenting skills, divorce and stepfamily challenges, life transitions, and all areas of grief and loss

·         Lead facilitator of Walk With Me Grief Support Group

·         Treasurer for the Michigan Association of Marriage and Family Counselors

·         Has served as a volunteer with SandCastles, a grief support program for children

Robert F. Berridge

·        Has completed all of the coursework at Oakland University for the Masters in Counseling degree

·         Expected date of graduation - May 2011

·        Under direct supervision of Bobbie Baker, Director of Counseling

·         Co-facilitator of the Walk With Me Grief Support Group

·         Currently leading a teacher support group

·         Masters degree in Educational Leadership from Wayne State University

·         34 years experience in education across a wide range of settings

·         Extensive training in dispute resolution

·         Professional interests include: marital and family conflicts, grief and loss issues, teacher support groups, and child and adolescent issues

Counseling Insights

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Robert F. Berridge, Intern-Oakland University

Conflict: A fact of life or something to avoid?

You may believe that a life devoid of conflict would be a happy one.  In fact, happy people are so because they have the skills to effectively work through their conflicts.  Conflict is at the core of change.  Without change we would remain stagnant.  Life would be sitting on the bleachers watching the action on the field.  Conflict is the stuff of life and our working through it is the actual act that puts us out in the field where the action is.

With only our own point of view we may try to make sense of our lives, but we need other viewpoints to get the complete picture.  Imagine a world where all people shared the same preferences. However, diversity comes with a price tag. Any time two or more people have a difference of opinion, conflict can result. It may be called sibling rivalry, marital problems, or dissention in the work place. As you can see, the fact that conflict exists doesn’t have to be a negative thing. The good news is that by resolving conflicts successfully, you can solve many of the problems that it has brought to the surface, as well as getting benefits that you might not initially expect.

First of all, the discussion needed to resolve conflicts expands people’s awareness of the situation. Often information and perceptions are shared that enhance each person’s understanding and bring a depth to the situation that might otherwise not be present. It can also increase connectedness, because when it is handled in a positive way, it can cause individuals to seek you out for future help.

Second, conflict, if resolved effectively, can develop stronger mutual respect and a confidence in abilities to work together, which increases group cohesion. This can prepare them to meet the challenge of the next conflict with greater assurance.

Finally, conflict forces people to look at their goals and desires in closer detail. Having to present their case to support the direction they favor, clarifies what is most important to them and what is not essential. This can result in better solutions than would have been possible if each party was cemented into a fixed, immovable position.

However, if conflict is not handled effectively, the fallout can be damaging, and have long term effects on not just the problem at hand, but also on the relationships of the participants. Deep seated resentment and frustration can derail commitment and waste energy in destructive ways, resulting in a negative spiral of attempts to “get even”.

Probably the best method for resolving conflict is to anticipate it and plan for it. If a system is built into the fabric of a family or business ahead of time to handle it, conflict becomes a part of the rhythm of life rather than a traumatic and unexpected occurrence. 

Growing up in a family of seven boys provided the possibility for numerous conflicts. Whenever my mother sensed tension in the ranks, she’d say, “Family meeting-10 minutes. Knotty pine porch. Be there.” We each had a chance to say what we were concerned about without interruptions. Usually halfway around the circle, the conflict was resolved and we ran off to play, friends again. As a parent I did the same thing with my family. We also had weekly meetings to discuss how to be a better family. Instead of waiting for trouble, we made it proactive.

As a school teacher for thirty four years, I have done the same thing. Even though with thirty-some students, we often needed additional meetings when conflicts arose, this process improved the climate of the classroom and helped students learn positive ways to resolve conflicts.

You may be wondering how to transform conflict into a positive experience. There are specific rules that are essential in keeping the process on track. Make sure that maintaining relationships are the first priority regardless of age, ability or position. This occurs when you remain calm and treat the other participants courteously. Next, separate the problem from the person. Recognize that the other person may have valid concerns that need to be addressed. Respecting this fact can go a long way to opening the way to a solution. Listening carefully to what the other participants say without interrupting or arguing is important. Paraphrasing what you have heard to be sure that you have understood the other person helps.  Try to see if you can understand where the other person is coming from before you defend your point of view. If your have contributed to the problem at hand, let it be known that you recognize this and are willing to apologize or make amends. Finally, avoid behaviors that would cause hurt, such as blaming or name calling. These will only increase the likelihood that the conflict will escalate, rather than being solved. If you feel that you are too angry to handle the process calmly, wait until you have calmed down.

Now that you know the techniques, you are ready to follow the Conflict Resolution Process outlined below:

Step One: Identify the Problem – Allow each participant to state what they think the problem is without interruptions. If it helps, write down each person’s perception of the problem. Try to agree on what the problem is.

Step Two: Gather Information – Have each participant state their concerns, needs and interests. Try to understand the other person’s motivations and goals and how your actions affect these things. Clarify feelings using “I” statements rather than “You” statements (e.g., I feel angry when you put me down in front of our friends.) 

Step Three: Brainstorm for Solutions – Allow every participant to throw out any idea that they can think of without any negative comments. The freedom that comes with this process can provide new ideas that no one had previously considered.

Step Four: Negotiate a Solution – At this stage of the process, selection of a mutually agreed on solution is often possible.

Step Five: Report back on the Success of the Selected Solution – An evaluation of the effectiveness of the agreed on solution after a trial period can help to fine tune the process and ensure that problems can be revisited if glitches occur.

Pick the right place and time for working on conflicts.  It needs to occur in a quiet and comfortable place.  It should not be done in a rush.  There needs to be enough time to listen, talk and consider the other person’s view point.  My mother chose the porch where everyone had a comfortable spot and it was quiet.  There were no time restraints.  Much was accomplished.  We always left with stronger connections with our siblings; we were a stronger family.  Whenever we heard the order, “Family meeting-knotty pine porch-10 minutes-be there!” we would race there with high expectations!

Counseling Insights Archive

COPING WITH ADD/ADHD: THE STRUGGLE FOR PARENTS

Tonya Ratliff, LLPC, NCC

Parenting Children with ADHD

1. How do I know when he can’t do something vs. when he is being lazy and using ADHD as an excuse? Example: He can play video games for hours, but can’t read for 5 minutes.
2. How can I manage emotions and tantrums in public places?
3. How do I discipline while also building self-esteem?
4. When do I let my child face the natural consequences for his actions and when do I step in?

• ALL parents struggle with discipline issues.
• Universal struggle for parents to know and feel confident that they are using discipline in healthy and appropriate ways.

• Parental judgment call.
• Ultimate goal is for the child to self-monitor.
• Suffering the natural consequences is appropriate and preferred unless the situation involves personal danger, public humiliation, or embarrassment which will damage self-esteem.

• The difficult truth is that your child with ADHD will be singled out on occasion.
• NO, it’s not right; and NO it’s not fair; but it WILL happen.
• Help your child understand that life is not always fair.
  Bottom line: It will take time, patience, and perseverance to maintain open lines of communication with your child’s teacher(s).
• NO ONE is a better advocate for your child than YOU.

• STRUCTURE –
• A place for their belongings that is convenient and always available.
• CONSISTENCY –
• Routinely return items to designated location.
• Every school night organize everything that goes to school the next day in this location.
• MANAGING EXPECTATIONS -
• The child is responsible for his belongings AND for getting them to school
• Allow for natural consequences.
• Don’t rescue.

100 WAYS TO PRAISE:

 CUTTING TO COPE

Karen Gitter, LPC, NCC, ACS

In recent years, the awareness of self-injury among teens has been rising.  For most people (especially parents, but also some healthcare and mental health providers) the idea of someone hurting themselves is unthinkable.  But for those who engage in the behavior it makes complete sense because it works for them.  Self injury (primarily known as cutting) is a way for teens (usually females) to express in a physical way feelings they don’t have words to express.  Teens engage in cutting because it helps them to feel better, it is their way of coping.  This is an important difference from adolescents that are suicidal; teens who are suicidal feel hopeless and want to end their life, cutters are hurting but want to feel better.

Many teens recognize the need to develop alternative methods of coping with their internalized feelings. While initially many report relief after cutting, the feelings of hurt, anger, fear and self-loathing soon return. Knowing their behavior is disturbing to parents, teachers, and friends, also motivates many to explore cutting alternatives. Finding supportive adults who are willing to listen and strive to understand the purpose of this behavior without “judging it” or being repulsed by it, is pivotal to many adolescents’ decision to seek help.

When discovering a teen is injuring, the key first step is to allow the adolescent to talk about the meaning of the behavior for them. The behavior usually serves one of two purposes, to help the teen “calm down” from emotions they find overwhelming, or to express emotions they can’t express verbally. Let the adolescent be the “expert” on their own behavior. Be interested and listen!

In most cases, establishing a relationship with a mental health care provider is the next step. A counselor can explore the meanings of the behavior and with the adolescent develop alternative behaviors and means of dealing with their feelings. An important note for parents: while the teen is working to incorporate these alternatives, remember that cutting has become an “entrenched” behavior and the teen may regress to this behavior in their process of healing.

CONSUMERS GUIDE TO COUNSELING

Hermina C. “Bobbie” Baker, LPC, LLP, NCC, ACS

We live in a complex and frenetic society. We seem to be compelled to do, go, and get more. Often times not aware of the cost to our mental and physical well being. Our personal and family life suffer. We argue, bicker, become depressed, suffer anxiety, lose weight, gain weight, forget, performance at work suffers, drink, take antidepressants, the list is long and incomplete. Each of us could add a concern of our own. It is probably when you stop and think about your dilemma that it occurs to you that maybe “I should go and see a counselor.” Someone who could listen with an open mind. No preconceived notions or answers. Who do I call? What should I consider before I make a call to a counseling professional?

Before you turn your life over to a counseling professional you need to know something about that person. Often times a referral from a friend is helpful and lets you know what kind of person that therapist is. Ask questions. You have a right to know. My personal philosophy is initial self-disclosure is appropriate especially since you, the consumer, are about to lay your life out on the table. Values are an integral part of the counseling process and many issues involve value struggles. Does your chosen therapist share, if not the same, then similar values?  For example: our center is Christian. If you do not or cannot espouse the Christian philosophy you probably may not get the counseling you want.

Counseling is about change. In order to change you have to set goals. Why are you seeking counseling? What do you think needs to change? Find out how the counselor works. What sort of techniques she/he uses. Are you comfortable with the style of training, type of degree, and experience?  These are all pieces of information you may find useful in your search for a counselor.

What do all those letters mean? It looks a little like alphabet soup. LPC – Licensed Professional Counselor, a M.A. in counseling with training often times in a specialty such as marriage and family. LLP – Limited Licensed Psychologist, Masters level education with ongoing supervision from a Ph.D. Psychologist. Ph.D. or Psy.D. have doctoral degrees, more academic training with an emphasis on behavioral and psychological research and testing. Social workers – Master’s degree, training is quite practical and more focused in the things that are happening in the society to affect people’s relationships and security. These are the most common therapist/counselors you will encounter. However, there are many other people who function in a counseling capacity, such as pastors, doctors, and church related staff. There will be a wide range of established fees within the counseling community and insurance reimbursement policies. It will be up to the individual to research the financial options.

In order to get what you need, do your homework. If you don’t get what you want first time out don’t give up, keep on trying. Bottom line: “it’s the relationship.” There are many fine, capable counselors in every community waiting to serve.